


Heaven Can Wait (15x20 rewrite)

by Erule



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27824362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erule/pseuds/Erule
Summary: This takes place after 15x19. Castiel is in the Empty. The boys have defeated Chuck. Jack is the new God. Oh, Cas is becoming human again.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Heaven Can Wait (15x20 rewrite)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello! This is my rewrite of 15x20, because I didn’t like the finale AT ALL. I didn’t put a lot of things in the summary on purpose, because I want you to enjoy this story like you’d enjoy an actual episode. I hope you like it. Feedback is always appreciated! You can also find me on Tumblr and Wattpad. Enjoy!

There was so much noise.   
The Empty just wanted to sleep, that's all. Since Jack exploded, the demons and the angels were talking so much. It had to stop, one way or another. So that's why the Empty quickly stood up from the throne.   
«This has to stop.»  
There were some angels and demons standing in a circle around something. They were murmuring something like "How's possibile? or “He can't be...", but the Empty didn't hear so well their words. Ruby noticed it and made a sign to the others.   
«Don't talk» she said.  
«What's happening?» the Empty asked. Uriel tried to cover that something, but the Empty was angry, so angry. They had to be quiet again, somehow. «Nothing» Uriel answered, but it was a damn lie. The Empty slowly moved them away to find that something over them.  
But what the Empty found out almost ruined all the knowledge, the experience, the years of the kingdom. It was something the Empty hadn't seen before, like, ever. That something was someone. That something didn't not have the angel's Grace like it should have had.  
«Castiel... What's happening to you?» the Empty asked, astonished. Castiel looked at Meg, or at least, at her face, looking for some empathy, but without finding any. He was all alone there, without Sam, Jack and most importantly, Dean. He didn't know what to do and it was terrifying. He looked at the Empty with fear, his blue eyes so dark, the Empty asked itself how he could even see. He seemed so lost. His hands were trembling, barely covered by the trench coat. It was like all the light he had came off him. «My powers... I'm losing them.»  
And so the Empty thought: "If he's losing his powers, it means... Oh no, no, it can't happen! Nobody can know it! I just want to go back to sleep”. But it was happening in the kingdom, so it was under its responsibility.   
«We'll fix you» that's all the Empty said.  
«What's happening to him?» Uriel asked, truly worried about Castiel.   
«He's just sick.»   
«I thought we were already dead.»  
«You're angels, angels get constantly changings.»   
«You're lying.»   
The Empty just grabbed Castiel, taking him away from them.   
«Am I sick?»  
«If being dumb is a disease, then yes, you are.»   
Castiel didn't already understand what was happening to him, but the Empty knew it so well. It had to hide him or God would have found that there was something weird. Someone who was not supposed to be there. Yeah, that was not his place anymore. Castiel tried to escape from the Empty's grip, but he was tired, like he hadn't the energy anymore to do something.   
«What's happening to me? Just tell me! I can handle it! It can't happen something worse to me anymore» he said, with sadness in his voice. Thinking about Dean. About all the things he didn't tell him. His biggest regrets. Ruby was right: that was a really terrible place to spend the eternity in.   
«You really wanna know? Well then, I'll explain it to you: you don't belong here anymore» the Empty said.  
Castiel was surprised.   
«W-why?» he asked, his heart beating faster. He still had it, it seemed.  
«Because...» the Empty began to say, enjoying that moment, «you're turning into a human». Castiel looked at it with blank eyes.   
«No...»   
He was getting human again.

In the meantime, Dean was staring at the screen of his laptop. He had decided with Sam that they had left the hunting life. It hadn't been as easy as Sam had made it seem, because life without hunting was boring enough, but he much preferred it to the risky one he had before. He stroked Miracle, that was rubbing the head against his leg while he was looking for something to do. They could have gone to the Pie Fest, but then something else caught his attention. And no, it was not a case.  
«What are you doing?» Sam asked, coming out of nowhere.  
Dean quickly pulled down the laptop screen, shaking his head.  
«Nothing» he hastened to reply.  
Sam gave him an eloquent look.  
«Dean, I've caught you watching porn before, I'm not shocked anymore.»  
«I wasn't… I wasn't watching porn!» Dean exclaimed, his cheeks slightly red and Sam chuckled.  
«Yes, of course, jerk» he joked.   
«Bitch» Dean answered back. Sam frowned.  
«Look, I need to talk to you about something important» Sam said, sitting down at the table across from him. Dean nodded. «Dean, me and Eileen...»  
«Expect a baby! I knew it. Sam, I've always told you to use a cond...»  
«No, no!» Sam exclaimed, looking scandalized. «She’s not pregnant. This is not what I want to talk to you about.»  
«All right, then shoot.»  
«Listen... we... we thought we were going to live together.»  
Dean smiled at him happily.  
«Of course, here is all the space you need! You choose the room for her and then...»  
Sam swallowed.  
«No Dean, we thought… to move in together, somewhere else, you know» Sam interrupted him.  
Dean seemed to freeze, as if he had turned to ice. He was paralyzed. He only managed to part his lips in an “Oh” as Sam felt more and more guilty.  
«Dean, please…»  
«No Sam, you're right. It’s great! Soon you will start a family, it seems right that you go and live together. Alone. You deserve it» Dean said, with his usual fleeting glance. That's why Sam realized that he was upset.  
«Dean...» Sam tried to say, but Dean raised a hand as if to tell him that everything was fine. The conversation was over. He picked up the laptop and headed to his room with Miracle at his heels.  
He sat down on the bed, exhausted. He was out of energy lately. Indeed, for a month now. Time seemed to pass much slower. Since he was gone.  
He shook his head. He opened the laptop and looked at the screen again, where the list of jobs he could apply for was prominently displayed. Maybe he would be alone in that bunker, maybe for all of his life, but at least he would have something to spend the time with.  
Miracle reminded him of his presence by licking his cheek. Dean chuckled in a guttural voice, stroking his ear.  
«Well, maybe I won't be completely alone in the end.»

Castiel felt it all amplified now. Everything hurt a lot more. Memories, or better to say, the regrets, were like pins that pricked his flesh. The Empty felt more like a place of torture than something else. It wasn't all that different from Hell, after all.  
He opened his eyes, which he didn't even remember closing, but he always saw everything black around him. It was a nightmare. He felt like he was trapped and he was out of breath. It was like drowning in his own thoughts, falling more and more towards the deepest abyss of an infinite ocean. This is how Dean would have felt if he had been buried with Michael in his head along the bottom of the sea.  
Dean.  
That name was enough for him to remember everything. Who he was. His human nature. In fact, he no longer felt the power running through his veins, much less the Grace. It felt like empty. Just like when he became human a few years earlier. He looked at his fingertips, from which golden steam slowly emerged. He was losing pieces. This situation was one of the worst he'd ever found himself in, worse than the time he'd tried to stop Jack when he'd woken Dean. That man was like a bear.  
A smile came to his face at the memory. He missed Dean so much. If she thought about it hard, his absence felt like a grip in the stomach. It hurt in places he didn't even think he had, such as the joints or the epidermis in the back of his knees. It was a dull ache that prevented him from walking.  
I heard your prayer.  
Another regret thundered in his head like a cannon shot. Why hadn't he made Dean speak, in Purgatory? Maybe Dean wanted to tell him something, but he hadn't given him time to do it. And now he would never know. He spent years feeling something for Dean, he even rebelled because of him, using his free will, as Chuck said, for nothing. He didn’t blame Dean, of course, but himself. He should have let him talk or he should have confessed his feeling to him very early, just to see what it looked like. He would have seen Dean’s soul changing like a painting that slowly come out, while the painter fills the empty spaces with colours.   
The first time he saw Dean’s soul, he was amazed by it. It was completely white. Usually, those were the colours of children’s souls, that why Castiel felt like something was wrong. But then, he got to know him better day after day and because of that, Dean’s sould finally opened up to him. It changed slowly, like it was hiding from him. It was like seeing the waves of the sea coming near to your feet when you’re at the beach. The white and the blue mixed together. His soul revealed the blue parts, the dark ones, in which he was scared of his Dad or scared of himself. When he had got the Mark of Cain, it was completely black. But usually, the white parts were the larger ones. They were the memories with Sam, the memories with his Mom, the love he shared for the world, the faith, the weaknesses. Sometimes, Cas could even spot some of his memories with him and it made him feel warm inside. It was like his imaginary grey soul could merge with Dean’s and from that, their colours could become one. One big ocean.  
That’s why he felt so lonely without Dean. Loneliness would have eaten him alive. Meg had hidden it very well, because he no longer saw anyone around, neither awake nor asleep. Maybe everything was back to normal and he was awake only because he was partly human. This was no place for him, but he figured Meg didn't want him out, that's why she had to keep it hidden from Chuck, even though he doubted God cared about him. But he had to go. He had to go back to Dean. Before things were different, he was at peace with the fact that he had been able to save him by sacrificing himself, but now that he could actually see him again and live a normal life with him, he wanted to return to Earth at all costs.  
"Live a normal life". He had never really thought about it before. Perhaps because the time he had been human had lasted too short or because he had always thought he would remain an angel forever, but now he could no longer think of living without Dean. It would have been alright to just be able to be his friend forever, just to be close to him, even if he didn't return his feelings. On the other hand, loving another person means wishing them happiness, right? Dean had taught him that himself.  
He got up from the ground, thinking of a plan, before yet another regret hit him again and he could no longer think clearly. In the past he would have prayed to Chuck, but now it seemed useless.  
Then, a sudden revelation hit him. What if Sam and Dean were already dead? Maybe Chuck had won. Perhaps the Winchesters and Jack had already been erased from existence. A lump rose in his throat. No, it couldn't be. They couldn't be dead. Meg would have told him, to make him suffer.  
He looked around. Even though he couldn't feel Dean's presence, it was like he was there. His thought gave him strength. He decided to walk. He did like the Jews in the desert. He would walk until he saw someone. Or maybe he would have made a little noise, just to annoy Meg. After all, he was a human and if he stayed there, he would die. Meg would not have appreciated having him around, neither dead nor alive. That's why he started calling Uriel and Ruby, meanwhile. Sooner or later, someone would answer him.  
He would have walked even more than fourty days and fourty nights, just to get back to Dean.

Dean sent the job apply with shaking fingers. He really hoped to be able to become a mechanic. Then maybe in the future, after saving up some money, he would open his own bar. There was time after all. Finally he had it. And he also had the freedom to do it. He smiled sadly at the laptop as he heard Sam and Eileen talking in the kitchen. He left his room and looked out the door. He saw them laughing as Eileen smeared Sam's nose with flour, while he had his arms around her hips. It was a very sweet scene, but also an intimate one, so he left them alone to cook.  
Castiel's absence hit him in the chest like a boulder. He hadn't told Sam about Cas’ confession, but he kept reliving that words every night. He saw his face, his eyes flooded with tears, his smile as he walked away peacefully. And it hurt like a knife. He hadn't even had time to process what he had told him. He had not been able to answer him, because he was too paralyzed by his words. That was his biggest regret. He should have told him how he felt about him a long time ago, but he wasn't ready yet. He still didn't understand what he wanted from life, but now it was clear to him. He wanted him, just him. But now he would have only his memory forever.

Castiel's throat was parched. His legs ached, but he kept walking. He didn't know how much time had passed, but it seemed like an eternity. The fingers no longer gave off even a golden spark. Perhaps he had become fully human or nearly so. Either way, he felt like a prisoner. A prisoner enclosed in the dark. It was awful. There wasn't even a drop of light in there, except the memory of Dean. That was the only rope of hope he had left.  
He went on, one step at a time, until he tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground. He felt defeated to the bone. He was desperate. He was afraid and did not know where to turn for help. He would stay in there and then die. What happens to humans who die in the Empty? Was such an end possible? It seemed like a worse conclusion than death. A warrior who died without even remembering his name, who he was. He was alone.  
«Castiel?»  
Cas looked up and saw in front of him someone who shouldn't have been there. Someone who was still alive on Earth, for as long as he knew. One moment: if he was there, then what the hell had happened to Sam and Dean?  
«Michael?»

Dean cleared the table. Sam noticed this strange behavior of his, as he usually holed up in his room as a teenager, but he said nothing, mostly because Eileen motioned for him to stay there while she followed him. She went with him into the kitchen, standing in the door behind him. When Dean turned and saw her, a plate nearly slipped from his hands.  
«Eileen, hey… Don't worry, I'll take it out tonight, since you've cooked. The cake was really good, anyway.»  
«Thanks. Dean, I know that Sam...»  
«Yes, he told me. And believe me, I'm happy for you» he said, smiling at her. But Eileen had learned to know him, to decipher his non-verbal language above all. And from his dimples, given by a forced smile, she understood that he was not sincere.  
«What's wrong?»  
«Nothing» Dean replied, but Eileen gave him a eloquent look. «Okay, listen, I'm just worried, that's all. I'm happy for you, but I'll be here alone with Miracle and you know… if Cas had been here, this wouldn't have weighed on me that much.»  
Eileen smiled at him, finally understanding the root of the problem.  
«You miss Cas.»  
Dean clenched his jaw. He couldn't answer her verbally, so he just shrugged, while a lump in his throat prevented him from speaking. He wanted to tell her "Sometimes" but he knew it was a lie. He missed him constantly, but tried not to show it. In short, so as not to worry Sam. Or so it was said, at least.  
«Don't tell Sam» was all that came out of his mouth, like a prayer. Oh, if he had known that Castiel could hear him, he would have prayed to him every day.  
«Don't tell me what?» Sam asked, entering the kitchen.  
«That I sent a resume!» Dean exclaimed.  
«Thing?» Sam asked, amazed. «Dean, that's great!»  
Dean smiled at him.  
«Yes, well, I sent some of them actually. I hope they will take me to a workshop. After all, the Stanford student here is you and not me» he said, referring to Sam being back to study.  
«You know you are so much more than you think, Dean» Sam told him before hugging him. «I'm really happy for you, man.»  
Yes, Dean knew now, because Castiel had told him. And he would have spent every day of his life proving to him that he had heard him.

«What are you doing here? Castiel asked, deeply frightened. «What happened on Earth? What happened to Sam and Dean?»  
«Calm down, okay? Sam and Dean had a plan to defeat God and they succeeded. They beat him. And now Jack has become the new God.»  
A wave of heat filled Castiel's chest. He was proud of Jack. He could not believe he had raised what one day would become the new God. A better God, perhaps even more naive, but more valid than the previous one.  
But then he wondered what happened to Sam and Dean and fear returns to take possession of his body.  
«Why are you here?»  
«Oh, Dad killed me because I tried to help them in the beginning. That's why I'm happy they beat him in the end. I heard everything from Meg» he explained.  
«Oh.»  
«I may also have overheard that you are becoming a human. Is it true?» he asked with strange interest, as if he were plotting something, but he certainly couldn't hide it from him.  
«Yeah.»  
«Then let me help you.»  
«No, not…»  
«Trust me. I have nothing more to lose now» Michael told him. Castiel sighed, unsure, then nodded. He needed someone on his side.  
«What do you want me to do?»  
«There is only one way you can hope to get out of here, since Meg is keeping you hidden. You have to pray to Jack. The others and I will make noise as a distraction, so Meg won't notice. You know everything in here.»  
Castiel swallowed. He was afraid that the plan would not come true, but if that was the only chance to return to Dean, then he would try. Maybe Jack would have heard it.  
«Hurry, though. You must do this while you are still an angel and have a connection with him. Otherwise, as a human, he won't hear you» Michael said, while Castiel no longer felt his fingers itch from the Grace that ran through his veins.  
And Castiel also felt the last bit of hope disappear along with his words.

Dean went to bed after saying goodnight to Sam and Eileen. He rolled over and over in bed, unable to sleep. He looked at the clock several times, but it always seemed to mark the same time. He looked around and saw everything dark. He wondered if he shared Castiel's vision. A small consolation in that nightmare. God, how much he missed him. He pulled the jacket with Castiel’s bloody handprint on it closer to him, as if it were his best friend and closed his eyes. A warm tear rolled down his cheek.  
God, I miss you so much.

Michael had already left him alone. He ran to Uriel, Ruby and the others to explain the plan to them. He should have let them out as he had promised Ruby to repay them perhaps, but he didn't have time to think about it, because they had already started to mess. The noise woke Meg - who may not even be sleeping -, who ran to check the situation. His eyes were bloodshot. She didn't notice him as he told the others to be quiet. Castiel was short on time, so he braced himself and used every ounce of energy left to him to call Jack. He prayed intensely, but he could not understand if he had heard it or not, so he did it aloud.  
«Jack, it's Castiel. I am in the Empty, I am becoming human. Please get me out of here. Jack, please...»  
«YOU!» Meg yelled, before joining him in anger. Michael tried to stop her, but he couldn't.  
Castiel took a step back, but tripped and fell to the ground. Panic took hold of him. He was scared to death. He tried to use his powers to protect himself, but not a spark came from his fingers. It was over. He would have died in there.  
«You will never see the sunlight again!» Meg yelled. «And neither your stupid boyfriend for sure!»  
A flash of understanding passed into Michael's eyes, who was surprised. Castiel felt betrayed, betrayed by his own feelings. Vulnerable. Emotions so human, as to make him understand that the transformation had taken place completely. He was human again. Meg was right: he would never see the sunlight again. We might as well give up.  
Then, he heard a beating of wings. The beating of a heart, his. And the forgotten voice of a person who had meant a lot to him before.  
«Castiel?»  
Cas turned, tears burning in the corners of his eyes.  
«Jack.»  
Jack smiled at him.  
«Come with me, I'll take you away from here.»

Dean suddenly woke up, sweat running down his spine. It was too dark in that room. He tried to turn on the light, but it wasn't there. Then, the bunker went into alarm. It looked like there was someone inside.   
He got up quickly, took the gun from the drawer and prepared himself for any eventuality. Red lights danced on the walls like flames.  
«Dean! What is happening?» Sam yelled, joining him in the hallway with bare feet.  
«I do not know. There is no light. Maybe some demon is trying to enter, I don't...»  
«Sam! Dean!» Eileen shouted.  
The Winchesters rushed into the living room at once. Dean loaded the gun, ready to fire, but there was no demon in front of him. His arm slid along his side as he stared astonished at the two people in front of him. An angel and a Nephilim.  
«Hello, Dean.»

Dean was completely stunned. He stood there with his feet anchored to the cold floor watching Sam hug Jack, while his eyes remained fixed on Castiel. He had the same trenchcoat, the same incredibly blue eyes, the same tie on, yet he looked completely different. He wondered if the fact that he had remained all that time in the Empty had not changed him. He wondered how long the days in there would last, if he were tortured like him in Hell. He wondered if he remembered heis gaze, Dean's, the night he died, he remembered perfectly his eyes burning from tears.  
«Cas...» his name finally slipped from his lips, each letter sliding on his tongue like an avalanche.  
Castiel took a step forward to get closer to him. Time seemed to have stopped around them. He had walked a long way to get back to Dean and now that he saw him in front of himself, he couldn't believe it.  
«Dean, it's me. I'm here.»  
Dean reached out to him and Castiel came over to be touched. Dean stroked his cheek and Castiel felt a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach, as if they were butterflies flying all over the place. He found himself closing his eyes for an infinitely long second in which there was only the consistency of Dean's fingertips along his jaw.  
«You're real?»  
The laugh that went up Castiel's throat, Dean could hear along the skin. What a nice noise it made.  
«Yes I am.»  
It was all too fast. It was quick the way Dean pulled him to him and hugged him, it was quick the way Jack patted him on the shoulder and disappeared, it was quick the glance that Sam and Eileen exchanged as they stood looking at them aside. But he distinctly felt the warmth of Dean’s breath Dean on himself, along his left ear and his hands gripping his trenchcoat.  
Every part of himself screamed, as if Dean had touched his exposed nerves, one by one, every single fiber of his body, every cell of his skin. He was burning as if he had had a fever. As if Hell had dragged him into his deepest mouth. And he thought he would have chosen Hell a thousand more times if it meant saving Dean. Every single time.

That night lasted a long time. The celebrations lasted for hours, until Sam and Eileen decided, at dawn at seven in the morning, that maybe it was time to go to sleep. Castiel and Dean remained at the table, an empty beer bottle in the hands of Dean and Castiel with their hands in their laps, facing each other.  
«So, what's it like to feel the flavors again?» Dean asked him, alluding to the fact that Castiel was back to being a human like a few years before.  
«Strange» he replied and Dean smiled, eyes cast down, fixed on the empty bottle.  
«You know, when Lucifer came back here... he tricked me into having the door to the bunker open» Dean began, looking up at him. Castiel felt a thousand electric shocks running down his arms. «He called me and on my phone screen appeared... your name.»  
«What?» Cas asked, confused.  
«Yes, and then he pretended to be you. He spoke to me in your voice and made me believe you were out here, hurt. I ran upstairs and let him in.»  
«Dean, you don't have to feel guilty about...»  
«No, Cas, let me finish this. Please» Dean said. Cas was silent. Dean took a deep breath, then continued, «I'm not telling you this because I feel guilty. If there was even the slightest chance that you had been out there, I would have opened that door anyway» he said. Every word was forced out of his mouth. Saying his feelings out loud costed him very much... it was something he hadn't even managed to confess to Sam, even though the weight was becoming so important that sooner or later he would have surely done it. «Cas, I would have liked to tell you everything in Purgatory. Damn, I wanted to tell you something even before Billie opened that door, but we’ve always run out of time. Or maybe that's what I kept repeating to myself to suppress all my feelings lower and lower, as if that could serve to make them disappear. But then you said those words to me and I... I couldn't pretend anymore, do you understand?»  
Castiel frowned.  
«I'm afraid I don't understand you, Dean.»  
«Do you remember what you told me when the Empty took you away?»  
«Every word?»  
«No, Cas» Dean said, rolling his eyes. «The last thing you told me.»  
«Goodbye? I think I've said goodbye to you, I'm pretty sure.»  
«You told me "I love you ", okay? You told me you loved me.»  
«Oh. Well of course and I still do» Castiel said and Dean felt his heart begin to beat faster in his chest.  
«Are you sure? Because you know, maybe angels feel things differently than people...»  
«Dean, you taught me what love is. I'm not sure I know what to feel in these cases, but it's something quite profound.»  
Dean swallowed, looking him straight in the eye.  
«You're human forever now, Cas. Do you realize it? You will grow old, you will get sick, you will die... like me.»  
«I realize that, Dean. But you know, humans fascinate me. And I always thought you were the best among them.»  
Dean felt his eyes get glossy. He wasn't sure where that was going, but he had decided that this time he would have played it well. He no longer had time to pretend he felt nothing for Castiel.  
«Would you like to do all of this with me?»  
Castiel smiled at him, a smile soft and bright at the same time. It warmed his heart.  
«Yes, I'd love to, Dean.»


End file.
